


please just listen i don't ask for much (i am my own man, i make my own luck)

by GuardianKarenTerrier



Series: running out of luck [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: AU of an AU, Ableism, Actual Cat Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Adrien AUGreste 2020, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Transformation, Anxiety, Cursed Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Gen, Hurt Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalised Victim-blaming, Internalised ableism, Panic Attacks, Podfic Welcome, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Runaway Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, i swear i'll take you to the vet, language issues, liberty!adrien, what worse luck au, whoops, yes i managed to combine that with luck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26072110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuardianKarenTerrier/pseuds/GuardianKarenTerrier
Summary: Nooroo can't be here.Nooroo's fighting some of Father's strongest commands to be here.The Gorilla signs Adrien's name, then points to the open door.You need out, now.Adrien slides off the couch and wobbles when he stands.  The Gorilla takes two long strides towards him, stops when Adrien flinches, and then very gently takes Adrien's arm.  On the Gorilla's shoulder, Nooroo slumps, wings fluttering weakly.The Gorilla hesitates, but after Adrien stumbles again and then freezes up in the doorway the Gorilla picks him up and makes his own much faster way out and down the hall to an exit.The window lock is broken.  The window looks out on the gardens, and Adrien-as-cat can make the jump down to the nearest tree from here.The Gorilla sets him on his feet and turns to force the window open.The fact that it's warped shut doesn't stop the Gorilla from finding a way to force it open.(an AU of what worse luck, where Adrien has enough help to run much earlier)
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Le Gorille | Adrien Agreste's Bodyguard, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Luka Couffaine, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Nooroo, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir & Rose Lavillant, Juleka Couffaine/Rose Lavillant, Luka Couffaine & Rose Lavillant, adrien & the gorilla & nooroo, the gorilla & nooroo
Series: running out of luck [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562017
Comments: 48
Kudos: 371





	please just listen i don't ask for much (i am my own man, i make my own luck)

**Author's Note:**

> _those tags are important_
> 
> this is an au of what worse luck, where adrien gets away considerably earlier and _doesnt_ end up at the bakery, and a lot of it isnt going to make sense without reading luck, i dont think? 
> 
> look 'i swear ill take you to the vet' is a TERRIBLE prompt to give me

The night after one of Father's spells fails so badly that Adrien can't stop thinking of his mother and shaking, he's woken by his door rattling open in the darkest, quietest part of the night. 

His door's not supposed to do that. 

Adrien wants to _go,_ wants to bolt the second the door is open, but it's rattling and not opening the way it does when Nathalie unlocks it and Adrien still _hurts,_ he hurts _all over,_ even his tail and his ears hurt and he doesn't currently _have them.  
_

He thinks.

He _hopes.  
_

Father's spells don't usually fail quite _that_ badly, but... but sometimes they _do,_ sometimes they fail terribly and then he wakes up and everything is worse and there's one less person in his world and he has so _few_ people-

The door rattles and rattles and rattles and Adrien doesn't go to it, because what if this is a trap, no one ever opens his door in the middle of the night and Adrien's last escape was only days ago, he thinks-suspects-fears that's why Father and Nathalie had attempted such a strong spell this time around. Nathalie had scoffed and scolded him the one time he asked if the stronger spells are meant to be punishments and he hasn't asked again, but he doesn't think she'd actually said _no_ anywhere in that scolding. 

Adrien curls up small at the end of his couch and tucks his feet beneath himself and ducks his head and tries not to think about how he'd just tried to curl the tail he doesn't have around his ankles. 

The door rattles one last time, and Nooroo phases through it. 

Adrien jerks, eyes wide and throat working without results for a long moment, because Nooroo shouldn't be able to _do_ that. Father doesn't let Nooroo into many rooms but his study and the workroom anymore, and he's _definitely_ barred Nooroo from Adrien's room.

Nooroo turns back and does something to open the door from this side. From the side it doesn't normally open from at all. 

The Gorilla steps through, and Adrien uncurls a little, because- because if both the Gorilla and Nooroo are taking a risk this big, something has gone a lot more wrong than Adrien had thought. 

_You, need, leave,_ the Gorilla signs, his huge and gentle hands shaping the words slow enough that Adrien would be able to read them even in a panic. Which. He might be. In a panic, that is. 

Nooroo's wings flutter agreement. He lands on the Gorilla's shoulder briefly and extends one wing to brush the hulking man's neck, then rises again and flies away in a deliberately straight line away from the Gorilla, stops himself with a sudden jerk just short of Adrien and flies the same line back. 

Adrien uncurls completely, nervous eyes darting between his two friends. He feels like his tail should be lashing. 

(He feels like his cat fits him better than his human, like this form shrank in the wash or he outgrew it or- it doesn't _fit,_ now, it hasn't for a while now).

 _Leash?_ Adrien signs tentatively back, because he thinks that's what Nooroo's trying to signal and because it's easier for Adrien to sign one word at a time. One word doesn't take long enough for the reflexive fear, because Nathalie _hates it_ when he signs and Adrien's mostly learned in secret.

Because Nathalie hates it, and Father would too if he knew, but it's how the Gorilla talks to him, and it's just- it's just so much easier than _speaking,_ sometimes. 

_Leash spells,_ the Gorilla signs back, his usually impassive expression marred by the worry in his brows as he looks between Adrien and Nooroo. He raises one hand to circle around his neck and then adds, grimly, _Collar. You.  
_

Adrien swallows, stiffly, and half-raises a hand to his own neck like he can somehow feel the new spells settled there. It feels like he should be _able_ to feel him there, like there should be a heaviness that wasn't there before. 

Nooroo darts back and forth in agitation until Adrien looks back up at him. Nooroo shakes his head fiercely, an uncharacteristic scowl on his face. He gestures wildly at himself, then crosses his arms and tosses his head in a perfect expression of haughtiness that's so unlike him that Adrien almost smiles despite himself. 

_You, stopped?_ Adrien signs haltingly. His hands _hurt._ His hands hurt like they remember being paws and his front paws have always had a strange dull hurt that his hind paws don't. 

Nooroo nods vigorously, then spirals down to press his forehead to Adrien's for the briefest moment. 

When he flies back to the Gorilla, his wings begin to falter and the Gorilla catches him just as gently as he always does Adrien. The Gorilla carefully transfers Nooroo to his shoulder as Adrien stares at them both and realises again that they shouldn't be here. That Nooroo _can't_ be here. 

Nooroo can't be here. 

Nooroo's fighting some of Father's strongest commands to be here. 

The Gorilla signs Adrien's name-sign, then points to the open door. _You need out, now.  
_

Adrien slides off the couch and wobbles when he stands. The Gorilla takes two long strides towards him, stops when Adrien flinches, and then very gently takes Adrien's arm. On the Gorilla's shoulder, Nooroo slumps, wings fluttering weakly. 

Nooroo's still drained from being used to cast those spells, and Adrien's still drained from being the one they were cast on. Adrien doesn't want to imagine the consequences if they're caught and he and Nooroo are both still too _slow.  
_

The Gorilla hesitates, but after Adrien stumbles again and then freezes up in the doorway- because it's open, because it's never open, because they could get caught because they could _succeed_ and Adrien's trapped in a terrible loop that short-circuits his brain- the Gorilla picks him up in a bridal carry and makes his own much faster way out and down the hall to an exit. 

The window lock is broken. The window looks out on the gardens, and Adrien-as-cat can make the jump down to the nearest tree from here- not easily, but he can make it.

The Gorilla sets him on his feet and turns to force the window open. Oh. The _window_ is warped shut, that's why no one has fixed the lock. 

The fact that it's warped shut doesn't stop the Gorilla from finding a way to force it open. 

They all look at each other. Adrien's eyes drop to Nooroo before rising to meet the the Gorilla's gaze, which is suddenly sad. The Gorilla reaches up and curves one hand over Nooroo, whose wings rustle weakly, and shakes his head. 

Adrien's shoulders drop. He'd hoped- but Nooroo's too clearly feeling the consequences of fighting Father's commands as much as he already has tonight. Nooroo is Father's _familiar,_ he's more trapped than Adrien is. Nathalie keeps putting off lessons about familiars, she keeps saying he's not ready for those lessons yet, but Adrien's not stupid. He sees the way Father issues commands and Nooroo has to obey them.

Adrien hesitates, then points to the Gorilla. 

The Gorilla looks at the window and raises an eyebrow, but then his eyes shift towards Nooroo's trembling form. He thumps his chest with the hand not hovering protectively over Nooroo and tilts his head towards him, then makes a _hurry up_ motion at Adrien. 

Adrien steels his slumped shoulders, turns to the window, and goes. 

(He turns cat when he's not even all the way outside. He misjudges the jump). 

It takes him days to find the ship. 

He does nothing but run for the first day, putting as much distance between himself and the mansion as he can. The second day he finds and tries to join a cat colony, because one black cat out of many will look far less suspicious when they come after him and because he knows he may _have_ to join a cat colony. He's made his choice and he can't turn back. His options are depressingly limited. 

He spends the third day limping slowly towards the scent of water and food, nursing a sore leg and a nicked ear and wishing bitterly that he had front claws. His stupid curse could at _least_ have let him have that. He's sure not winning any fights without them. 

He finds the river.

He finds the food vendors lining the river. 

Adrien doesn't know how hungry he is until he smells the food and his mouth starts to water, and when he sneaks up and snatches an unattended link of sausage from a cart it's not really a conscious decision.

And then they spot him, and the yelling starts. 

And Adrien _bolts.  
_

He doesn't think about where he's going, he's drowning in memories of Father's shouting and Nathalie's cold disapproval and, and, he's still so _so_ hungry but he doesn't know if this was worth the sausage. He's dropped the sausage anyway, he's not even going to get to eat.

Adrien runs across the boarding plank because it's _there._

He trips and skids and falls over his own paws when he hits the deck. He's shaking and hyperventilating and when someone, a human, crouches down beside him and says something low and soothing Adrien _cowers.  
_

He doesn't mean to. He doesn't mean to. He didn't mean to upset the vendor, just like he didn't mean to challenge that older tabby or to abandon his only friends to Father's temper. He didn't mean to make him angry. He never _means_ to and it never matters. 

The human boy keeps talking, quiet and steady, and with slow exaggerated movements he takes a guitar from his back and rests his hands on it. He says something else, but Adrien's still too scared to parse his words for meaning. 

Then the boy starts to play something, just as soft and soothing as his voice, and Adrien stills to listen to it. 

The running and hiding and fighting and losing and the fear and hunger have all taken their toll on him already. Adrien doesn't intend to fall asleep, it's not _safe_ to fall asleep, he doesn't know this human or what he might want with Adrien or why he's talking to him like Nooroo used to, back when Nooroo talked. 

Adrien stills and listens and sleep drags him under anyway. 

When he wakes, he's still on the deck of the ship. No one has moved him while he couldn't protest. No one has _touched_ him. 

The human boy is still there, cross-legged on the deck, guitar in his steady hands as he plays chord after chord, quiet and reassuring. 

There's a weird rumble deep in Adrien's chest that he only recognises from dim and distant memories, faded with time. 

"Good to see you awake." The strange human's voice is just as musical as his guitar. "You looked like you needed away from someone, kitty. You looked pretty desperate. The Liberty'd be a good place for you, if you need somewhere to go." His lips twitch. "Besides, Rose has always wanted a cat, I think." 

Adrien's still too tired, both physically and mentally, to do more than flinch at that. 

"My name's Luka," the boy says, glancing at Adrien and away again as if he knows, somehow, how much it unsettles Adrien to be stared at. "The ship's name is the Liberty. My home. You _can_ stay, if you like, but no one's going to make you, either." 

Adrien tries to make sense of this and fails. He tries again and flattens his ears, spine hunching as his confusion grows. No one talks to him like this. No one has talked to him like this even as a human in years now, and he's _not_ now, and Adrien didn't think anyone spoke to cats like this. 

That's probably why he stays. 

(Luka _does_ talk to cats like they're human, and even if Adrien hears him talking to seagulls and other strays the same way at least- at least this way, he can _pretend)._

Adrien doesn't get much sleep anymore, or any sleep that isn't broken by nightmares, but the ship isn't that large and Luka lets Adrien sleep in his room and the sound of someone else's breathing and the constant motion of the ship as she settles low in the river at night reminds him that he's not trapped behind wards and walls anymore.

He would never have been able to get out without Nooroo's help, without the Gorilla. 

He can never go back to help them.

This haunts Adrien, late at night, when he wanders the ship as silently as he knows how and shadows Luka on his rounds. No one else has exactly introduced themselves, but he's heard Rose's name often enough, and Luka had pointed her out when she'd come back onboard. He thinks Luka pointed out the others, too, but it's Rose's name that had first caught his attention. Rose wanted a cat. Luka told him he could stay, but his chances are better if Luka's not the _only_ one here who wants him. 

And then Adrien and Rose spend days avoiding each other, because for some reason she's almost as skittish around him as he is around her. Sometimes Adrien makes an attempt at creeping closer when they both seem calm enough (because _Rose has always wanted a cat, I think_ ) but he doesn't usually get very close before Rose senses him somehow and goes to find either Luka or the other girl. 

Rose wanted a cat. Rose doesn't want _him._

Maybe she knows he's not- that he's not-

Or maybe he's just not a very good cat. 

No one has chased off the sudden stray hanging around their ship and begging for scraps, though, so Adrien's more than willing to cut his losses and call it a win. He hadn't been part of a colony very _long,_ but it had been long enough to know that he would never be able to fit in. 

He doesn't really fit anywhere. 

But at least here he can manage to keep warm and dry and fed, if he only- if he just-

He shies away from the thought at first, then stubbornly forces himself to face it.

If he only lets them keep him. 

If he just lets them keep-

If he lets himself give in, accepts that he's chosen this and that he's not- not a human anymore. That he's not going to be, because he can't change back now, because he's given that up. No one outside the mansion knows who he actually is, and he's lost ( _abandoned_ ) everyone he could still talk to. He can't even write, words and letters don't _look right_ to his cat-self and he has to concentrate so hard to force them to make sense again even for a moment. He thinks if he tried hard enough he could maybe manage a few words? He can't explain his curse in a few words. He can't even be sure he's ever going to be capable of a few words.

Maybe one day he'll be able to manage two words at the very least. Maybe they'll even be legible. Maybe he'll manage to leave _I'm human_ scrawled in the dust on the deck someday. Maybe they'll even believe him. 

_Someday_ feels like an impossible goal. 

(He could at least have made an attempt at scratching the words out, if he only had his claws). 

(But he's not sure that he would even try. It's not _true_ now).

"Hey, little guy." Luka intercepts Adrien before he can find his way to his favourite sunbeam, ducking down beside him and holding his hand out in a careful greeting. "Didn't see you earlier, did you miss dinner? I, uh." 

When Adrien dares to glance up, gingerly pressing under and into Luka's hand as he does, the other boy- the boy looks sheepish. He's scratching the back of his neck with his free hand, gazing down at Adrien, and Adrien tries and fails not to flinch under that focused gaze. 

Luka lets his hand drop, sighing as he shuffles a little further away, and Adrien wilts. 

He'd figured at least one nice thing about being a cat would be that people _pet_ cats. 

It's turning out that they don't pet _him_ nearly so much. He knows why they don't, he knows they mean it to be kind, but he can't remember the last time someone held him with no motive but affection. He gets scared when they hold him, but he _wants_ them to hold him. 

But he doesn't know how to stop being scared. 

"I went out and got food," Luka says softly, and Adrien looks up sharply even as his stomach tightens with sudden shame. "It's definitely not healthy for you to live on tuna forever, kitty, so I asked around and this was the best I could find."

He reaches into his pocket and draws out a can of cat food, holding it out for Adrien to sniff.

Adrien can't move. He can feel himself trembling, he's trembling so hard that he hunkers down to the floor with a whimper he fails to hold back and then he feels it even more as he knocks against the floor, but he can't make himself move from his spot. 

Luka's only trying to be kind. Luka could have just started giving Adrien this instead of the scraps he's been begging off their plates for days, and Adrien's aware that most people wouldn't bother to show their cat a new can and explain, and it does do a little more to cement his desire to stay here that Luka _does,_ and-

"Hey, hey," Luka's saying when Adrien can pay attention to his words again. "It's okay, kitty, it's alright- sorry, I didn't mean to startle you- it's okay, it's alright, you're safe, we're not gonna hurt you here, I promise." 

Adrien swallows, hard enough to feel the click in his throat, and forces himself forwards and noses at the can of food. He can't read it, but he thinks Luka really would have tried to find the best for him. 

And Adrien actually _is_ grateful for that, even if he hates what it represents. 

(And then the food's not actually _bad,_ and that's so much worse than if it was). 

Adrien's not sure now how long he's been on the ship. His sense of time was never good even as a human, and it's a lot worse as a cat. He's been there long enough that he slinks into Luka's room one day, intending to find somewhere hidden and warm to nap, and finds Luka and both girls already in there. 

He freezes in the doorway, but they've already seen him. 

"Onyx," Rose calls, which makes no sense to him at all. 

"No, Rose," the other girl says patiently, while Adrien tries to look at Rose without looking like he's looking at Rose. He didn't think Rose liked him; he didn't think she'd try to talk to him at all, even if the words don't make sense. "You've been outvoted. I still like Dax." 

Rose pouts, crossing her arms, and Adrien didn't think pouting was a thing people actually did but he doesn't know what else he would call it. 

Rose sneaks him an oddly guilty look, and when he flinches so does she. 

Luka runs one hand up and down his guitar strings, somehow producing a soothing noise instead of a jangle of notes. "Don't you have a classmate you can ask?" 

"He's been out of town," not-Rose says, shuffling closer to Rose. "Tikki took the whole family on that vacation she kept promising them, I think, so I have no idea where they're likely to be by now." She pauses. "Wait, we should really call Alya, they're probably not taking that well."

"Next thing," Luka promises her, and then turns to Rose. "Are you alright? Nino's been working on his shields with you, hasn't he?" 

She swallows and takes not-Rose's hand. "Mostly. Nino just learned some stronger shields, he set them before he left. He taught them to Jules, too, I'm, they work well enough. He's, um, he's had a lot of practise by now." Her gaze turns distant for a long moment. "But- Luka, there's, there's a _lot_ of terror, to be getting through those shields at all." She swallows again, and Adrien watches with a weird numb feeling as her fingers turn white where they're clasped around the other girl's- Jules?- hand. "He's so scared. That's all I ever _feel_ from him, Luka, it's just this awful fear, if there's ever anything else it's getting swamped completely."

"We'll get him doing better," Luka promises her. "We can't erase whatever happened, Rose, but we can try and make sure he knows he's safe here." He turns back to Adrien, who's still standing stock still in the doorway, unsure what to think or feel about this conversation. He doesn't understand some of what they're saying and he _hates_ that, it makes him feel even less human than usual, and when Luka addresses him directly again Adrien doesn't try to fight the rush of relief. "So what do _you_ think, kitty? We're down to Dax, Shadow, or Onyx."

"Jules already ruled out Onyx," Rose reminds him, so he guesses the last person really must be named Jules.

(Their mother is on the ship somewhere too, but they all call her Mom, and anyway Adrien's been hiding from her entirely. He doesn't want her to see him at all, if he can help it. He doesn't want to see her.

He doesn't). 

Adrien might be happier about finally learning Jules' name if it weren't for the realisation that they're all trying to name _him._

"But I have a name," Adrien tries, but even if they could understand him his voice is soft and shaky and hoarse with lack of use. It fades on half the words and scratches his throat on the way out. 

He never had been very used to talking, except sometimes to himself, but these last few years have been so much worse. After Father had commanded Nooroo silent Adrien had been terrified he'd do the same to him, so he'd fought his hardest to not speak around Father in the first place in the hope that he'd never think of it. 

He has no idea if Father ever even noticed. Nothing about the way he interacted with Adrien had changed. Adrien sees Nathalie more, but she hadn't acted differently, either. She might have been relieved. 

She never had liked it when he asked questions. 

The Gorilla swears that's not what happened to _his_ voice, but he also won't tell Adrien what did, and Nooroo had tried to reassure Adrien too. Between the three of them, they'd already had wordless communication down to an art form. Adrien doesn't miss the mansion but he does miss the two of _them._

Nooroo had told him that it wasn't something Father could do to Adrien. Not permanently.

(Not the way he'd done it to Nooroo). 

Adrien had still kept quiet after that, because if anyone can figure out how to do it Father can, and Adrien doesn't want that even if he knows by now that he and the Gorilla and Nooroo would always still be able to talk to each other. Both Nooroo and the Gorilla had fought hard to make _sure_ that Adrien understood that. 

But Adrien already can't speak so much of the time. He hadn't wanted Father to make it _all_ of the time. 

So of course, he'd gone and done it to himself anyway. _  
_

Adrien slumps miserably down over his front paws and listens in on his new- his new _people's_ discussion. 

It takes them a couple hours, and Luka even asks Adrien's opinion a few more times like it _matters,_ but Adrien doesn't bother to raise his head from his paws even though he feels his tail flick listlessly a few times. He doesn't have much control over that, but it would have brought Nooroo fluttering down beside him, or made the Gorilla pause and check that he was unhurt.

(Sometimes the Gorilla doesn't seem to know what else he can do, but that's all right, that's more than Adrien has come to expect from anyone else anyway). 

They settle on Shadow. 

"He follows _you_ around like a little shadow," Rose tells Luka, laughing, and fends off a clearly joking swat from a pillow that Adrien still can't help but flinch away from. It's not even aimed at him.

Luka slides off his bed, crouching closer to Adrien and holding out his hand the same way he'd done earlier. The same way he always does. The mother has grabbed for Adrien once or twice, usually when he was close to the railing on the deck, but Luka and Jules and Rose never have. 

And Adrien actually can't swim and the mother had just seemed worried, and after the first time when he'd panicked she's clearly tried to curb her impulse to grab him, but he still shies closer to Luka whenever he sees her.

Adrien doesn't particularly feel like moving, but he still needs them to like him. He still needs to stay, he _really_ hadn't been doing well trying to hunt for himself and he'll be so much harder for Father to find on the ship then he would have been on the streets. Adrien can't swim. They won't think he'd hide here. 

Adrien noses hesitantly at Luka's hand, only to freeze when Luka moves again, but it's only to run one hand very lightly down Adrien's back. Adrien shivers and presses into the touch before he can help himself, flushing with shame when he feels the rumble start deep in his chest. 

He'd never done much purring, before. He thinks he used to try to purr himself to sleep when he was little, but the memories are dim and distant, and anyway he can already hear the fury in his father's voice if he ever learned that Adrien would encourage any of his own cat traits like that. Never mind that they'd never left Adrien much else to do, because he'd had his books and games and movies but what he'd craved was _friends,_ and as hard as Nooroo and the Gorilla tried and as deeply as he loves them for it still it wasn't- it wasn't-

He knows from Nooroo that Mother and Nathalie had carefully censored what media he'd had access to, but they couldn't keep everything from him. He knows what school is- he knows what school is for people who aren't _him._

He knows that he wanted to go. He'd wanted to go more than anything. He knows he couldn't, he's never able to- never allowed to- forget that outside the confines of the mansion he's only a cat and cats don't _get_ to go to school like that, _he_ doesn't get to go to school like that, but it's never stopped the wanting. 

Nooroo had told him he deserved to have the chance.

Nooroo had looked so _guilty,_ even when Adrien told him over and over that it's not his fault, that he doesn't blame Nooroo. (Nooroo's just as trapped as he is; Father won't let Nooroo leave either). 

The spells where Father uses Nooroo are always the most painful. They're also the ones with the highest chance of leaving Adrien's cat form lingering afterwards, unable to change back even inside the manor walls. 

At first, that always also means that Nooroo will come to visit him as soon after as he can, sharing Adrien's preferred spot on one of his couch cushions. There's a fancy covered cat bed in his room, complete with a heating pad, but Adrien can't- Mother was so thrilled when she gave it to him, but-

Nooroo never says a word about how desperately Adrien avoids it.

The Gorilla moves it into a corner one day, and none of them ever mention that it's no longer visible from most of the room.

(Mother meant it to be kind. She'd looked so pleased with herself the day she'd given it to him- the day she'd given it to him right alongside a scratching post and new feather toys, and-

She meant it to be kind). 

Even after Nooroo stops talking (after Nooroo _can't_ talk anymore, did Father ever want any of them to talk at all), when it becomes harder for him to come to Adrien- and it was never possible for Adrien to go to him- Nooroo will still manage to make his way to Adrien's room after the worst of the spells, the ones that leave Adrien curled so tightly into the smallest possible space, and will simply sit with him. 

Or he had, until Father caught him, and then Nooroo couldn't get to Adrien's room at all. 

Nooroo must have fought so _hard_ to get to him that last day. The Gorilla must have helped.

He _misses_ them.

But Nooroo told him to go, and the Gorilla forced the window open, and Adrien still has no way of knowing what kind of consequences the two of them faced for that. 

Nooroo might be safe. Father's never seemed to realise that _talking_ and _communicating_ aren't the same thing, he's not going to realise that Nooroo's told Adrien anything recently. Ever. Father never even knew they were friends.

Adrien's not always sure that Father remembers Nooroo is _intelligent._

(Or that Adrien is).

He stays on the ship, where it's safe and he thinks they might even want him and where they talk to strays and seagulls almost like they do each other, and he finds himself responding to Shadow embarrassingly quickly. 

But- but they _use_ ~~his~~ the name, here. Nooroo and the Gorilla are better family than he deserves but none of them have had many chances to use each other's names. Adrien doesn't remember the last time anyone used his, outside of the Gorilla's name-sign for him. 

(A flourished _A_ combined with the sign for _kitten,_ and the Gorilla hadn't _known_ when he'd first created it and by the time he had it was far too late to change it).

"Morning, Shadow," Luka says, when he wakes up and stretches and finds Adrien curled tightly on the warmest part of his rug. (Adrien can't figure out if he's allowed on the bed. The ship's too safe a place for him to risk finding out that he's _not).  
_

"Want lunch, Shadow?" Rose asks, dropping her own sandwich down where it rattles her plate and getting up to check his bowls instead. 

"'Night, Shadow," their mother says absently as she passes him on the deck, only giving him the briefest of glances when he shies away from her, a little less immediately than he had at first. 

It's not long before they have him answering to Shadow like it's what he's always answered to. 

"You know, I'm not sure you're supposed to feed cats this much?" Juleka says bemusedly at lunch one day, watching as Rose hurries to check his food bowls like she seems to do every lunchtime. "If you overfeed him that's on you, Rose." 

Adrien's shoulders hunch and his tail lashes and he shoves his reaction down _hard_ and hopes they didn't notice. 

(And misses Luka's worried eyes on him).

"He's so _skinny,"_ Rose defends herself, clutching the extra bag of cat food she'd come home with to her chest and flushing. 

Juleka snorts. "Yeah, he's not gonna stay that way with _you_ feeding him." 

Rose continues not to meet anyone's eyes as she mumbles, "He shouldn't have to be scared about whether he's gonna get fed." 

The brief silence that follows that has Adrien looking between the three humans, confused, but he has no idea how to interpret _any_ of their expressions. Rose's is the only one that looks even passingly familiar, hurt and fear backing something else that he can't quite identify. 

"You're right, Rose," Luka says, and his words don't so much break the quiet as fall softly into it. "He shouldn't have to. I don't think he does, with you feeding him." 

When Adrien had first been willing to eat in the same room as them, he'd started out with paper plates and a bowl liberated from their own dishes. By the end of the week he has an automatic feeder and a water fountain. 

(They both hurt. They just hurt differently). 

Rose and Juleka both leave to... go somewhere, during the days. He's not sure where, at least at first. At least until he realises there's no reason _they_ wouldn't be allowed to go to school. 

But Anarka and Luka stay, and the first time Adrien realises why is a terrible shock, like the first time he'd strayed onto the deck during a storm and found his footing slippery, the rain above vicious and biting and the waves below dark and threatening. 

(That time when the mother ( _Anarka_ , Rose calls her Anarka) had grabbed for him he'd only gone limp, terrified and trembling, and by the time she'd set him down gently in a pile of warm towels he'd lost several minutes to the kind of terror that leaves him blank and exhausted and it takes him too long to realise she's also set him down on Luka's _bed.  
_

So. He is allowed up there, he guesses).

Luka's homeschooled. 

Luka's _mother_ is teaching him, and this must be why Luka doesn't leave the ship like his sisters do, he must not be allowed off. Adrien frantically wonders why, but he can't _ask_ and he's not sure he would anyway, he's always been told to keep his own curse a secret and it would be a lot easier for Rose and Juleka to tell someone than it would be for Nooroo and the Gorilla but they _haven't.  
_

They haven't, and Luka doesn't run like Adrien always has, and- and he doesn't _understand._

Luka could run so easily so why does he _stay._

Adrien keeps so close to Luka when he first realises that Luka's homeschooled that Luka trips over him more than once.

Luka's mother looks at Adrien and then looks at Luka, and Adrien goes tense and feels his back trying to arch, and then she shrugs and goes right into a lesson without commenting. 

And Luka's lessons... aren't _like_ Adrien's. His mother jumps between scattered subjects, gesturing with wild enthusiasm every time she follows a train of thought around another sharp turn, and Luka asks question after question and she encourages _all of them_ and then comes up with more herself and then the two of them try together to find answers.

And they both talk to Adrien, while they do. They include him as their cat in a way he was never included as a human. 

Adrien can't contribute his own questions (and he has _so many_ ), but he's still learning, in a way he'd never thought he'd have a chance to. Luka's mother goes through history lessons and magic lessons and science lessons and Adrien learns to curl up still beneath the table or nearby on the deck where he can listen and absorb everything he can. He learns more in an hour than Nathalie would teach him in a week. 

He learns more about the way magic works than he _ever_ has.

Luka's magic is in his music. 

Adrien hasn't thought at all about the other's magic. 

His own is- his own is bound up in his curse, unusable now, and Nooroo's has belonged to Father for as long as Adrien can remember, and the Gorilla would never tell either of them about his, and most of what Adrien knows about Father and Nathalie's own magic is only that it _hurts._

Luka's magic doesn't hurt. 

The first time Adrien feels it, he still bolts. 

Luka's magic feels like calm waters and mint and the scent of the sky just after a storm, it's gentle and soothing and doesn't hurt at _all,_ and Adrien's bolting with his heart beating a frantic rhythm against his ribs before he can stop himself. 

No one comes after him, but when Luka comes back to his room he has Rose in tow and is speaking to her softly, words Adrien can't make out through the terror that's exhausting him. Both humans kneel on the floor. 

"Shadow?" Luka calls, obviously aware of Adrien's hiding place, scrunched small in the meagre space between the bed and the sea chest at the foot of it. He'd wanted to crawl _under_ the bed, but he can't get under Luka's bed, the space is all taken up for storage already. There's no space left for him. "Shadow, I'm sorry, we didn't mean to scare you. It's alright, we won't hurt you." 

Adrien's still trembling, but- but Luka hasn't lied to him yet. 

And they _haven't_ hurt him. 

And Luka doesn't smell hurt himself. 

Reluctantly, ears still pressed flat, Adrien edges out of his hiding space. Rose's gasp is lost in Luka's relieved sigh as he offers a hand for Adrien to sniff. "I'll warn you before I practise from now on, okay, Shadow?" 

Adrien nods. 

He misses that gasp, too. 

Luka must have felt really bad about how much his magic had scared Adrien, because the cat food is slowly replaced with human food again- sausage links like had gotten him in so much trouble before, bacon that Anarka makes much too much of, bread and chicken and fresh-caught fish. Luka actually tries to switch his food faster at first but Adrien gets so sick that he doesn't try that again. 

But he also doesn't stop offering Adrien human food again. 

Adrien feels terrible about his reaction himself, because he can grasp from Luka's lessons how proud of and attached to their magic most people are. Adrien doesn't have that. Adrien's not even sure what his domain is, or why Nathalie hadn't _taught_ him about domains. Adrien only knows what they are now from listening to Luka's review lessons. 

Luka doesn't seem to need the review lessons, judging by how easily he answers his mother's questions, so Adrien's not sure why Luka requested them but he's glad for it. Adrien's learning more just from listening in than he'd ever thought he'd have a chance to. 

Adrien doesn't exactly relax, he's not even sure he can anymore, but he starts to believe that he can really stay. That he's safe here, that they want him, that they won't hurt him. They feed him human food (and they feed him regularly) and they talk to him like a friend and Luka's mother even seems to try to include him in lessons, sometimes addressing him directly as though he can answer back. As though she'd listen if he did. It's not perfect but perfect was never going to happen, not for him. 

He could be happy here.

And then something awful happens.

Adrien knows from the moment he wakes up that morning (curled at the foot of Luka's bed, surrounded by warm blankets and his friend's scent) that something is different. Rose is excited and hopeful and strangely apprehensive, and Jules is even more reserved than usual, and Luka is spending more time with his hands near Adrien- not petting him, but inviting Adrien closer if he _wants_ petted. 

By late morning, with the strange tension on the ship, Adrien wants petted. 

He's tucked himself in close against Luka's side, both of them out on the deck in the sun with the girls sprawled out nearby, and Luka's resting one hand against Adrien's back and rubbing gently behind his ears when Juleka-not-Jules shatters his fragile peace with six words.

"Shadow needs to see a vet." 

Adrien doesn't run. 

Adrien doesn't run because he's too terrified to _move.  
_

"No," Rose says, jolting upright. Her voice is pleading, high and thin and scared. "Jules, no- you can't, you can't _feel_ him, he's so _so_ scared-"

"He's scared of everything, Rose," Juleka says patiently. "That's why we need to take him. Something or someone _made_ him scared, he could have old injuries that we've been ignoring. You know he doesn't move right." 

Right now Adrien isn't _breathing_ right. 

He can't go to a vet. He _can't._ He can't go, they can't take him, he doesn't know what they'll _do_ to him, he has no way to prove he's not a cat. He _is_ a cat now, he made that choice and he can't take it back and he knew what consequences might come with it. He knew this could happen. He's been _warned_ about it, over and over and over, but he'd stumbled onto the ship and they'd kept him and they've been so much kinder and _better_ than he'd been told people could be _he thought he was safe.  
_

 _"Shadow,"_ Rose says, distraught, reaching for him like she can't help herself, and Adrien _breaks._

He tries to tear himself from Luka's side, but Luka's hand is on him, over him, huge and enveloping because Adrien's never been a _large_ cat, and he can't get his paws to all cooperate at once and he goes right back down in a tangle of tail and limbs and Luka make a startled noise and _picks him up.  
_

Adrien goes still, goes limp, surrenders and hopes that all the reassurances that they won't hurt him are still true. 

"Shadow," Luka's repeating, and for the first time in a long time Adrien aches to tell him _that's not my name._ "Shadow, it's okay, it's okay! It's- Rose, you said Nino's supposed to be back today, is he back yet?" 

Rose's face is sheet-white, reflecting Adrien's fear, but she rallies at Luka's question. "He got back this morning, I was giving him time to see- I'll go and call him." 

Rose leaves and they bring Adrien back to Luka's room, where Luka sets him on the bed and then takes his hands away and very carefully doesn't touch him again. 

Juleka's looking at him strangely now. "Luka?" 

"Yeah." Luka sounds tired. 

"Luka, that was more than- He didn't just recognise the word vet."

"No," Luka agrees, looking worriedly at Adrien. "Maybe still avoid the word." 

_"Luka."  
_

"How fast can Nino get here?" Luka asks, hand twitching towards Adrien as he shudders. Luka shifts to look towards the doorway as Rose approaches. 

"Two hours," she informs him. "He hasn't been home long, and Alya needs to see him. Alya might be coming, too." 

"Shadow's scared of people." Luka's hand tightens in his sheets, still not touching Adrien. "More people seems like not the best idea." 

"Alya needs to see him," Rose repeats, more forcefully, before she softens into someone more recognisable again. "And I think Nino's sending Plagg on ahead." 

"Yeah, he's sending Plagg on right away," an unfamiliar voice says, darkly amused, and then there's a new weight on the bed that jerks Adrien violently out of his self-pitying little ball. 

Green eyes meet green eyes. 

"You," the strange older cat announces, sitting straight and idly washing one paw, "Are definitely _not_ a cat." 

Nino arrives _much faster,_ with two friends in tow instead of one, with magic that doesn't hurt and a way of talking that doesn't need Adrien's real voice _or_ his hands. Plagg settles down beside Adrien with the loudest purr he's ever heard and keeps it up as Adrien still struggles to _find_ his voice, to fight past the shock of _you're not a cat_ and to try to trust these people. He doesn't know if he has that much trust left to give. 

Alya starts creating illusions to help him communicate when it becomes clear that speech is a struggle for him- much more of one than he expects, but he hasn't tried to speak in so long, now, and none of them had been speaking much in the mansion. Marinette immediately wants to try and turn him back, and it's only Luka's gentle reprimand and reminder of how badly magic scares Adrien that stops her trying.

Adrien tries to explain that he can't _be_ turned back. That every attempt has failed, has always failed, that it's hopeless and he _is_ a cat he's just not- he's just not a very good one. 

"You had us fooled for too long," Luka says, the shadows under his eyes seeming to deepen. "I'm sorry. We wouldn't have treated you like that." 

Adrien jerks, a little, and looks up from Alya's illusions. He doesn't know how to say what he wants to say, that they've been so _good_ to him, better than he thought anyone would ever be. 

"Shadow," Rose says, and then winces. "Or... I don't know what your usename is, I'm sorry. _We're_ sorry, we should have known sooner."

Adrien doesn't have a usename. He didn't know about them before eavesdropping on Luka's lessons. He doesn't _have_ anything for them to call him but Shadow or his truename, and he balks at the idea of giving anyone his truename now that he understands what it _is_ he'd be giving them. 

He's so tired of living his life under other people's control. 

He's so _tired.  
_

"That's your own magic, kid," Plagg tells him, once Adrien's found a way to explain. "It's draining you through the curse- it shouldn't be, but it is. I think Marinette can fix it, if my witch can't. Thought, uh, thought Tikki'd be a bit much for you today, kid, but she's gonna help." He curves himself around Adrien protectively, tail and ears twitching. "I _think_ we can manage the drain and the claws, but I ain't gonna promise anything else, that is one _hell_ of a curse." He sounds curious. "Who in the nine hells did you piss off?" 

Confusion wars with Adrien's fear. 

Communication is a combination of Nino's translations, Alya's illusions and Rose's empathy, but when Adrien finally gets across _I've always been cursed_ Plagg's growl reverberates through the Liberty and scares Adrien off the bed. It takes them a while to coax him back, especially with so many people in the room, but he doesn't know that he wants any of them to leave, either. 

Luka promises him safety and Marinette promises him hope and Plagg promises to teach him, because it's dawned much-too-slowly on Adrien that _Plagg is not a cat,_ and Plagg does not seem bothered to be seen as one anyway.

And Adrien slowly stops shaking, and starts to listen to them more intently, and realises that he can still be safe here. They're not making him leave _or_ taking him to the vet or taking him _back,_ their first thought was to find him help. They want to help. He can still stay. 

He can still be happy.

(He has _help_ now. _They'll help him go back for his friends_ ).

**Author's Note:**

> title is from american author's luck!
> 
> i dont know sign im sorry, ive tried repeatedly but movement disorder has made learning it a PROBLEM


End file.
